


Quédate conmigo

by Asimplewriterlivingasimplelife2



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Helsinki is a teddy bear, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Post-Canon, just let them be happy please
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24603226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asimplewriterlivingasimplelife2/pseuds/Asimplewriterlivingasimplelife2
Summary: Martín was miserable until the day he had started to feeling something in his heart, a feeling he swore to never feel again.
Relationships: Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Palermo | Martín Berrote, Bogotá/Nairobi | Ágata Jiménez, Helsinki | Mirko Dragic/Palermo | Martín Berrote
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	Quédate conmigo

**Author's Note:**

> Let's see how this goes

Martín was no stranger to pain. 

The summer before college, his mother caught him in bed with a boy he met at a bar. His partner left before the shock on her face had turned into pure rage. She found one of Martín’s belts on the floor and had begun to hit him with it, calling him a faggot and plenty of other nasty insults. She said his father would have hated him for this, nobody would love him, and all of her boyfriends had every right to hit him. She made it perfectly clear after a while that he wasn’t her son anymore and she wanted him out of her life. Martín said he hated her and he left that same night, never wanting to see her again. After he found himself settled down at a hotel, he cried for a while. He cried from the pain still burning on his skin and the pain of her words. Martín felt guilty for saying he hated her, mainly because there was still some part of him that hoped she’d change her mind. He got a scholarship for college and was fine living on campus, but the longing for her still lingered. She never did call him and she definitely wasn’t there at his graduation. All of that heartbreaking rejection had turned into true hatred as he lost his guilt and slowly moved on with his life.

Martín grew to be content with how his life was without his mother. He had gotten a job as a civil engineer with a salary that let him buy a decent apartment. If he wasn’t spending his time working on civil projects he was out at bars, living out his life shamelessly. Everything really only did seem to change the night he met Andrés. The man with the charming smile who could make anything sound beautiful. Martín thought he looked like he had a lot of money and must have gotten lost on his way to find the nearest fine dining restaurant. Martín made the bold mood of asking him to dance and he had accepted with the smile that made Martín’s knees weak. They had an instant connection as they danced, eventually sitting down to talk with a bottle of tequila. Andrés eventually brought up a job offer, for a job that he’d be very good at. It was a job that could reward him praise and a much larger salary than the one he was getting now. 

The only real catch was this job would turn him into a wanted man.

Maybe it was all the tequila or the fact that Martín had felt like he fell in love instantly because he couldn’t bring himself to say no. 

Civil blueprints became plans for jewelry stores and banks. Martín was enchanted by the architectural designs and happened to be a very good planner. Andrés showered him in compliments, calling him clever and a complete utter genius that was perfect for the job. Andrés would get the prize and they would split it, sharing a much needed celebration for the success. Martín fell in love with the plans they made together and the success they shared, but he also fell deeply in love with Andrés over a period of time. He fell for his smile, his intuition, and his ability to always keep a level head in the worst of situations. Andrés might have touched him a lot and they might have acted like a married couple from time to time, but Martín never overstepped his boundaries. 

He kept distance, an appropriate amount of distance, as he secretly imagined what it would be like to kiss Andrés.

When Andrés got married to Karina, the real suffering began. He didn’t think she was a bad person, she made Andrés happy and she had a good heart. Martín got along well with her during the times they talked, but it wasn’t long before he couldn’t see what Andrés saw in her. 

She had a good heart but she was lacking intellect. 

Martín can’t say that he was surprised when Andrés divorced her a few months after the wedding, apparently after they had begun to argue too much about the state of their relationship. 

Andrés got married and divorced four more times. It was a cycle that Martín had expected at each wedding but he always did try to make a good impression. Good impressions really were everything and it wasn’t like the women were bad people. Martín had gotten along with most of them, he just had a hard time understanding what Andrés saw in them. 

Josefina didn’t appreciate art. 

Maricela had a terrible attitude. 

Felicia didn’t know how to dress herself. 

Then, there was Tatiana, who seemed only interested in the riches that came with the heist. 

Martín’s heart, it yearned for an impossible love. He began to drink too much at the weddings on purpose, with the goal of numbing the suffocating feeling he had in his chest. He remembered Andrés always dragging him back to bed, but couldn’t really remember what he said. Even if his mind was clouded with a drunken haze, he could also always clearly remember desperately wanting to tell Andrés to stay as he watched him leave the room. Martín would feel miserable for a little while before he fell into a restless sleep. He would wake up the next morning with a headache to Andrés preparing breakfast, a cheery smile on his face. Martín smiled back, he always did, doing a good job at masking the fact that something really was wrong with him on the inside. 

Martín tried to give his heart to someone else. He had a few boyfriends over the course of a few years between each of their heists. Andrés made a good impression as always but as soon as they were alone, he would make it clear that he didn’t really like them. 

_ “He disrespects you.”  _

Andrés might have been right about some guys he dates but not all of them were that bad. Martín could have had a relationship with potential, but his heart refused to feel for another. It still yearned for an idea of a nonexistent romance, a painful nonexistent romance.

Martín might have had everything those women didn’t, maybe even more, but he never did stop respecting the boundaries. He kept himself under control around Andrés to simply prevent the destruction of the bond they already had. He blocked the pain with work, pretending he didn’t see how in love Andrés was with his wives. Martín could make Andrés happy but he could never be good enough to make him as happy as the women did, and that simple fact truly did destroy him on the inside. 

Martín accepted the fact that he would continue to suffer. All he needed was Andrés to be there with him. 

When Andrés said he wanted to go bigger one morning, Martín had suggested they set their eyes on the gold in the Bank of Spain. 

_ “My clever engineer, that sounds like a brilliant idea.” _

This plan was a masterpiece. It was the perfect love poem that would allow Martín to show his love for the man that was his whole life. Martín worked endless hours on calculations for the plan to ensure perfection and success. Andrés brought Sergio into the plan, simply saying that he wanted to share their art with his younger brother. Sergio was too serious, his attitude about the plan was negative, and he didn’t really seem to like Martín too much. 

Martín tried to win him over but in the end the distaste had been more or less mutual. Martín didn’t like the way he dressed or how serious he was. Martín also really disliked how Sergio acted as if he was smarter than him. 

The dislike they had for each other, it was mutual, but in the end Martín always kept a smile on his face. 

Andrés asked Martín to be there at his side when he went into the bank in order to see the art with his own eyes. Martín was overwhelmed with warmth and his mind only became more focused on the design of the plan. 

Everything was perfect until the night Andrés gave him everything before taking it away in a matter of seconds. 

Andrés tells him that the love he had for Martín was so much more than what he felt for all of the women he was with. Martín feels his heart pounding in his chest as he realizes that maybe this is finally the moment, the one he’s always dreamed of for years. They share a passionate kiss and Martín is overwhelmed with happiness, until Andrés pulls away to tell him that this was impossible. He told him he had to leave, abandon their plan to go make the copies of the money at the mint. Andrés was also abandoning him, after making him feel like he was finally home. 

Andrés broke his heart in the worst possible way and Martín didn’t even bother to fight anymore as he painfully accepted that this was the end. 

Martín was miserable for a long time. He started drinking to numb those haunting feelings or rejection, humiliation and heartbreak. If he wasn’t drinking he would just cry until he couldn’t really do anything else. Eventually he had found the energy to leave the monastery and the plan to find an apartment in Palermo that was good enough to live in. Martín had enough money to survive but he couldn’t exactly drown his pain out in civil projects anymore. He was trapped in his own personal hell of pain and suffering, hopelessly waiting for Andrés to come take him back. 

It was hard to sleep with nightmares of that night and he wasn’t as hungry as he used to be. His body would want physical touch, anything, but Martín couldn’t bear to think of other men when he had still felt Andrés touching and kissing him. From time to time, he stared at his gun and he just laughed, finding it funny to think that death really was probably the only thing left for him. He did want to die most of the time, but something always stopped him from pulling the trigger. 

Martín was ashamed of letting himself become so weak in front of the man he loved and he blamed himself for loving Andrés too much. He also blamed Sergio for being that last final force to drive them apart. 

On the last day of the heist at the mint, Martín wished he would have never turned on the tv. He saw that they had gotten out but his happiness right at the moment he saw that Andrés had been killed. His mind was desperate to reject what he had seen as he sat on his couch, unable to breathe. The reality of the situation hit him too hard and the last good part of himself completely broke down. Martín screamed until his throat was raw as he tore his apartment apart. After his tantrum he found a bottle of alcohol in one of his cabinets and took it to the couch. He sat down, chugged the bottle and then threw it at the wall. As he looked at the glass all over the floor and the wreck in his apartment he just sobbed, crying until his head hurt. 

Maybe that really was the moment he became a monster. 

A cold, mean, uncaring monster.

The world lost the color it used to have as Martín locked himself away in his apartment. Sometimes he couldn’t get out of bed for days and he really wasn’t that hungry anymore. He couldn’t sleep and his drinking had gotten worse as he became more reliant on alcohol to numb his feelings of grief. If he wasn’t drinking he would be crying, painfully crying for too many long hours with a never ending pain in his chest. 

Martín felt like he had nothing to live for. He’d pick up the gun, wondering which angle would make sure he didn’t survive. Other times he found himself thinking other quick ways to meet death as quick as possible. Even if he wanted to die, he still didn’t do anything. 

He just became a ghost of himself, drinking away and his pain and accepting a life of eternal suffering. The only relief Martín found came from music. He’d dance in a drunken haze as if things didn’t hurt so bad, but it never was enough to permanently get rid of the grief. 

Martín hated himself for being so open and emotional. 

He blamed himself for driving Andrés away to his death because of his selfish feelings and he hated Sergio for not doing anything to save him. 

Martín convinced himself that Andrés never probably did want him, he just wanted his intelligence. He needed someone to make calculations and constructions, but he didn’t actually want anything more than that. Martín put his heart into everything he did with Andrés and didn’t feel the need to ask for anything more out of their relationship. He gave Andrés the truth and for the moment there was hope before he was abandoned minutes later. 

Andrés left him heartbroken and alone. 

Even if he had been lying, Martín would have still gone back for him. He would have done anything to get him out of there. 

When Sergio arrived at his door, years after Andrés had died, old feelings had resurfaced. Martín wanted to tell him to get out, especially when he mentioned that he wanted to do the gold heist. He felt anger, betrayal and really didn’t want to participate in something that just reminded him of heartbreak. He felt himself start to laugh, painfully laugh, as he only said yes because of a memory that suddenly hit him. Sergio had called their plan a suicide mission and he never did stop calling it that even when Martín had found plenty of solutions.

Martín couldn’t end his own life but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if someone else did for him. 

He was forced out of isolation and his suffering had turned into hatred. He stopped trying to make friends with everyone and he stopped being way too open. It was easier and less painful when he kept his feelings out of everything. He hid behind a tough facade, acting like nothing was wrong as he pushed away people that tried to understand or care for him. 

Martín became an asshole, an emotionally unavailable asshole. He became a mystery and he was empty. He had lost everything there was to care about, which made it easy to not really care about anything or anyone. He would accept death and he was fine with the idea of people hating him. They all obviously did but in the end nobody could really hate him as much as he hated himself. 

Martín gave up on love and romance as he turned his attention to his new promiscuous lifestyle. His body rejected affection and he refused to let anyone kiss or touch his face. He satisfied his sexual needs with one night stands; rough sex that was void of emotion. Martín justified his actions with Boom Boom Ciao, the bullshit saying that helped him feel a little less lonely when he woke up the next morning. 

He convinced himself that this was what he deserved and he realized that his mother really was right the whole time. Nobody could ever fall in love with a destructive monster like him.

Martín was brought back to the monastery, a place that he never would have wanted to come back to if he had a choice.

  
The first week, he’s miserable as usual but it’s not as bad as he thought it would be. Martín  doesn’t really talk much to any of the unfamiliar faces but he does find himself joking around Bogotá and Marseille. Bogotá told him that he looked terrible during one of their group dinners and Palermo told him that it was because the energy from all these women was exhausting. That earned him a few disgusted looks from the girls, a smirk from Bogotá and a laugh from Helsinki. 

He made his fair share of dirty jokes as Palermo. He played a few good games of football and he did feel some excitement when he came to talking about the plan. When it came to the topic of sex, Martín had made an agreement with Helsinki to relieve that stress. It was a Boom Boom Ciao agreement, they could have their fun without the complication of feelings. 

Eventually it was clear that they didn’t exactly like him that much, regardless of the time they spent together. There was a certain degree of isolation but Martín could care less. They didn’t really understand the depth of the plan or how important it was, which made the feeling mutual. 

He believed that it was probably a good thing he didn’t have too many friends in order to spare him the pain of them leaving too. 

Time should have made it easier to be here but Martín felt the exact opposite. Even if he was trying to have as much fun as he could with people he had started to dislike, it didn’t really change the fact that he still was suffering. 

Martín couldn’t really smile as much as he used to anymore. He still had trouble sleeping, the plan was the only thing that got him out of bed, and he was forcing himself to eat. Every time someone mentioned Andrés or when he saw that picture, his eyes would burn and his heart would ache. He had been hooking up. He continued to drink too much, smoke, have sex, or dance alone in his room to escape from all the memories that were tied to this place.

Every day seemed just as emotionally draining as the next and he was miserable, until the day things changed. 

Martín began to feel a feeling in his heart, a feeling that he swore he’d never let himself feel for anyone ever again. 

The warmth. 

  
  
  



End file.
